Finally, the mess of a prequel trilogy gets some moments of badass as George Lucas’s Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (B) restores some dignity to the series. Hayden Christensen’s Anakin Skywalker and Natalie Portman’s Padmé Amadala are still the soapiest of characters – and now they are pregnant with Luke and Leia (guess it’s not a spoiler alert when you’re already in a prequel!) – and Anakin is still ticked at Obi-Wan (Ewan McGregor) for not making him a full Jedi. Lots of battles occur, and ultimately we get the anticipated volcano fight when Anakin finally transforms fully into part-man, part-machine Darth Vader. Of course, Lucas almost spoils that with a strange Frankenstein homage (the Ewoks weren’t available for a chorus of “Yub Nub”?) There’s at least some symmetry in this film that helps match it to the classic trilogy and foreshadows the continuing Skywalker saga to come. Did we care much about any of these prequel characters? Not really. There were some cool effects, and I guess it’s better to have a Star Wars movie than not (at least in some of Episode II ‘s case and most of Episode III). Fans will appreciate the plunge into darkness and the higher stakes than usual, even though the characters are still pretty undercooked.
George Lucas’s Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (C) upgrades the effects and the action from its prequel predecessor but leaves at its centerpiece a burgeoning and head-scratching love affair between Hayden Christensen’s pouty Anakin Skywalker and Natalie Portman’s listless Padmé Amadala that is so poorly written and acted that it threatens to bury the whole franchise in the sands of Tatooine or the waters of Naboo. Some bounty hunter espionage helps put a spring in the film’s step, and Anakin gets to show a darker side when he kills some Tuskin Raiders (hey, aren’t those guys bastards anyway?); and the action of the passive voice title seems to partially occur. It’s largely an attack on good sense. John Williams’ love theme is pretty but underscores a Harlequin romance. Ewan McGregor is again wasted as Obi-Wan Kenobi solving a parallel mystery.
It’s the prequel turkey that will live in infamy: George Lucas’ Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (D). Presenting virtually no interesting characters that inhabit early galactic life and a storyline about tax disputes, the film sends two Jedi knights (Ewan McGregor and Liam Neeson) with mullets and rat-tails and their piercingly annoying CGI sidekick Jar-Jar Binks to pick up a bratty kid (Jake Lloyd) and an inexpressive queen (Natalie Portman). It’s not clear what they’re supposed to do then except bide time between now and when this moppet becomes an angsty teenager. Meanwhile, there’s an interminable pod race, a cool double-edge lightsaber battle and some revisionist history about how you activate the Force in your bloodstream. Lucas’ clunky direction and dialogue miss the mark in each and every way in this very embarrassing opening salvo to the prequel trilogy.
Paul Verhoeven’s sci-fi outer space creature feature send-up Starship Troopers (B) is both an exciting tale of fresh-faced young people fighting galactic aliens and a parody of such films. It works best if you simply succumb to the silliness. There are no acting standouts in this one, just wall-to-wall action. It’s well-filmed pulp and exactly what a B-movie should be.
This is the way the universe ends. It’s a far-fetched frontier where the tenets of good filmmaking hyperwarp into an otherworld of haywire folly. Transcending earth, wind, fire, ice and more, Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element (F) exists in a sphere of stupidity reserved only for the rarest of films. Bruce Willis and Gary Oldman are poorly used, and Chris Tucker is so thoroughly grating that I wish in space no one could hear him act. Not just a bad sci-fi flick, it’s also a bad absurdist comedy. In general, for a bad time, take the Fifth.
Sand. Lots of sand. That’s the big takeaway from StarGate (D), a pricey science fiction epic about an intergalactic doorway to an alternate world of phony pyramids, an androgynous pharaoh and mumbo jumbo amidst dusty dunes. Writer/director Roland Emmerich gives James Spader, Kurt Russell and Jaye Davidson little to do in a story that quickly sinks like quicksand amidst the bombast. It’s not one for the ages.
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (A), directed by Irvin Kershner, deepens the human emotions of the Star Wars characters, giving Harrison Ford’s Han Solo and Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia a witty repartee and Mark Hamill’s Luke Skywalker a more self-assured step into his destiny to becoming a Jedi Knight. But the villains – Darth Vader and his boss The Emperor – are ready for some payback, and tragedy and disappointment may be on the menu. This is the movie that introduces us to AT-AT imperial walkers that move like giant beasts through frosty terrains, the notion of freezing people in carbonite, a fantastic city in the clouds, fabulous beasts called Tauntauns and Wampas, the diminutive and wise Yoda and so much deepening of the folklore. Billy Dee Williams joins the cast as Lando Calrisean, and he’s a refreshing addition; like many other elements in the film, it’s hard to know whose side he’s on! It’s lush and lyrical, passionate and poetic and all the while still adventurous. This is the epic “space opera” that comes from George Lucas’ story with someone else directing and Lawrence Kasdan writing. The stakes are higher, and the adult drama comes brilliantly to the forefront. It’s still basically a comic book storyboard come to life, but it’s epic as hell.
